Twitter gives me the best things.
It has given me such amazing friends, sisters and lovers. But one of the most underrated things Twitter has given me is the discovery of beautiful music. Sometime ago, I asked someone on my timeline for a sexy time playlist full of Nigerian music. Onehi (shout out to you girl!), was very kind to send me a link to one that she created. I thoroughly enjoyed it and I continue to, every day. The title of this piece is a line from ‘Queen Tings’ by Masego and Santi, one of my favourite songs from the playlist.
‘me and you together baby it’s a simple sweet thing’
The first time I ever heard the lyric, I immediately thought of my boyfriend. I sent it to him telling him it was an apt encapsulation of what we share. A simple sweet thing. Then I had a little idea. For my sweet lover girls like me that are always catching feelings and falling in love, let us use ‘a simple sweet thing’ as a little guideline for the bonds that we share with men. It can be like a little checklist you just go through in your mind after meeting someone you really like. We will now break down ‘a simple sweet thing’ to see what that looks like in real life.
I know that life can be difficult but I have come to believe that love does not have to be difficult. Or incredibly complex. Love is a feeling that cannot easily be described. We all feel things differently in our hearts and in our minds. But if you like someone a lot, or you even love them, if you are to share that love, what follows should be simple. They should choose you back. This may not look like an exclusive grand relationship right away, but it will look like a respectful and fulfilling reciprocation of your efforts and your affection. They will not disrespect you or make you feel ashamed for your emotions. They will not disregard your emotions flippantly, or toss them to the side. There will be no mind games. Set awon, ‘the more you look, the less you see’. A simple thing means that you are not left second guessing a man’s feelings for you. I have never for once doubted my lover’s affections from me. Even on the days I may feel distant, I am still vividly aware of that affection because it is constantly being communicated to me.You must have that clarity, that safety before you begin to excessively emotionally labour over men. Let me give you some advice from personal experience, if you cannot have this ‘simple thing’; you will have a complex thing and those SUCK. In my personal experience, complex things have me pretending to be someone I’m not by being aloof and hard. When things are not simple, you find yourself doing things like watering down your emotions and trying to become something that you are not. Aspire to simplicity with your entanglements with men. After all, a man that wants you, will communicate such desire to you. You deserve that certainty.
I think sweet men are the best men. I have always taken a liking to them for the softness they exude and envelope me in. Romance propaganda like to push this idea of ‘the bad boy’, ‘the hard guy’, ‘emotionally unavailable but hot guy’. Let me tell you now that nothing dey there. Na me talk am. Quote me. #SkoSkoSaidIt.
For a thing to be sweet, it should mean your happiness is paramount. The thing makes you happy. A text from them, sends the biggest smile to your face. When you get that ‘I’m outside’ text, you almost trip running downstairs to open the door for them. Even the thought of them fills your chest with liquid bubbles of joy. And they return all these gestures, these excitements. For me, sweetness also means that my emotions feel safe there. I can say what I feel and I know I will be met with care. My feelings are safe. For someone who always feels like they are doing too much or being too emotional, a simple sweet thing has given me the confidence that I am not doing too much. There is no too much here. My emotions, in their intensity and depth, are welcome here and they are safe. That is what something sweet looks like to me. Something sweet and soft that does not cause you any pain or suffering. Something that is concerned about your happiness and joy. Something that wants to see you smile. A simple sweet thing means with you and your lover, there are no mind games, no manipulation, no hidden motive.
So, my darlings, I wish you a simple sweet thing. In all the ways that you want.